Baking Bread

Anyone not like homemade bread? No? I didn't think so. It’s a byword for serious cookery, often delicious and the smell alone is reckoned to turn a shoddy house into a saleable property. It also seems to be the piety of the week for those of an environmental turn of mind. Not just regular bread either. To be truly committed to the earth these days sourdough is de rigeur. Just like our ancestors used to make in the days before we were corrupted by modern luxuries like coal-fired power stations, global trade and er... yeast. I can’t help but wonder though: what’s so sustainable about making your own bread?

Undeniably, home baking appeals to those with a  self-sufficient streak, though most of us don’t grow our own grains and mill them. Even so, with a bag of flour from Tesco you have a fighting chance of attaining the glow of self-righteousness  that radiated from Tom and Barbara in The Good Life. Rather inconveniently for the emissions-conscious though, baking a loaf in a domestic oven uses many times the amount of energy of commercial oven. You can get around that one fairly neatly using one of those very clever bread machines which not only consume less lecky but also do some of the work.

It’s the hassle factor that seems to be the main sticking point.  If you’ve ever tried bread-making you will have noticed that it requires a certain commitment. Even if someone has a bread machine how likely are they to use it regularly? Some of us might be good for a few loaves or maybe a month or two of obsession, but who is going to live off home made bread unless they have to? Then there is the problem of who is going to eat a diet of our hearty loaves (not my kids anyway). It’s no wonder that one of the earliest specialist trades in human society was that of a baker. A professional who could make economies of scale, a range of products and leave the rest of us free to get on with other stuff. Without bakers, it’s difficult to see how we would ever have got out of the stone age.

“Hello axe-maker. I’d like to upgrade my old flint hatchet to one of those new bronze ones.”

“Sorry guv I don’t have time for this bronze-smithing lark. I’m too busy punching down my dough.”

One might reasonably assume that we wouldn’t have science, medicine, art and technology (including bread machines) if people had been piddling around all day with their sourdough starters.

Even if oil runs out and we’re left in a Mad Max-like future, spending our Lewes Pounds on home grown vegetables, it’s hard to see bread-making catching on en masse. Still, though it may not last more than a few minutes as the latest eco trend, it is good to see someone blowing the trumpet for a homemade loaf. In that spirit then let me finish with a recipe.

Venetian Olive Breads

This recipe accompanied my Viva Lewes Column on the 17th of November 2011

Konditor and Cook, posh bakers extraordinaire, do roll-sized versions of this Northern Italian classic. If you’re near the Borough Market this means lunch is sorted. Here is an attempt at something similar. Use whatever bread dough you fancy but this one is easy and works well. The whole thing takes about 5 1/2 hours all-in though you can do the first rising overnight.

Makes 8 rolls

For the Bread Dough

400g strong white bread flour or Italian’00’ flour if you can get it.

225 ml tepid water

1 level teaspoon of easy blend yeast

1 teaspoon finely chopped oregano

1 egg

25ml olive oil

Pinch of salt

For the filling

1 lump of fresh buffalo mozzarella

200g pitted green olives

1.    Heat the inside of a mixing bowl with boiling water. Mix the 225 ml of warm water and the yeast and  then beat in 175g of flour to make a batter. Cover with a towel and leave for 2-4 hours or overnight.

2.    When you come back to it fold in the oregano, egg (beaten first) and olive oil trying not to tear the stretchy glutens too much. Then fold in the flour and salt in a similar way. Use more flour if you need to but you’re trying to get a slightly sticky dough.

3.    Give it three quick kneads over the next half hour on a lightly oiled surface. (Sorry if you like kneading but the idea that a lot of it is necessary to build glutens is a myth). Then cover and leave for 30 mins.

4.    While you’re waiting slice the mozzarella thinly,  and make sure you have this, the olives and a small bowl of water handy. Grease a cookie sheet and put that nearby too.

5.    Put the dough on a lightly floured board, give it a quick knead and then cut it into eight roughly equal sized pieces. Roll one piece of dough into an approximately circular shape about 1/4 inch thick. Put a slice of the cheese in the middle of the dough circle and then 2-3 olives on top, then another slice of cheese on top of that. Then gather the edges of dough around the cheese and olives to make a kind of sealed parcel with the filling inside. Try and make sure it’s completely sealed. Wetting your fingers at this point might help it stick. Then flip it over and put it on the cookie tray with the round side up. Go through the same process with the remaining bits of dough, making sure the finished rolls are spaced out on tray. Once all the rolls are on the cookie tray cover them with a wet dish towel and leave them in a warm place to rise for 90 minutes or till they’ve doubled in size.

6.    Preheat your oven to 200C (180C fan) or gas 4. When they have risen take of the towel and bake the rolls for 12-15 minutes. You can brush them with beaten egg before cooking if you prefer. Leave them to cool a bit before eating.

Pope Paul V

“BURN THE POPE!” I heard them cry. This was my introduction to the Fifth in Lewes, 20 years ago, deep in a banger-strewn crowd at the Cliffe bonfire. Being a cradle, though lapsed, Catholic it was hard to know what to make of it. Perhaps a slightly over-the-top protest at the conservative policies of the Roman Catholic church? Or possibly I’d misheard and the sentiment was merely to spurn the poor old Pontiff. Or it might even have been something to do with soap. It was hard to tell with all the noise. But craning my neck above the crowd there clearly was a Pope. Sitting on top of a big pile of sticks. What on earth, I wondered, was the trouble with the Pope that caused him to be incinerated on a yearly basis?

 Courtesy of Viva Lewes

I’m not sure whether I felt reassured to find out that this ritual had been going on since the 1670’s and that the Pope concerned was well past caring about his profile in Sussex. The Pope who is burned (the same one every year) is Paul V, head of the Catholic Church from 1605 until 1621, and who thus just managed to get himself in the frame to be in charge at the time of the Gunpowder Plot.

So was he really so bad? Well it depends on your perspective. For many he was a champion of the Counter-Reformation who re-established Catholicism in southern Europe and completed some of the greatest projects of the Renaissance, including St. Peters and the Vatican Library. For others he was an overbearing autocrat with an exalted view of the Church’s authority over secular powers. He succeeded in pissing off most European governments including that of Venice who, when they got a bit uppity about running their own affairs, found themselves excommunicated. His CV also included the first condemnation of Galileo for suggesting the earth might not be the centre of the universe. Probably not one to mention at an interview when you think about how things turned out.

Paul’s dealings with England were comparatively mild. He’d barely got his bum on the Papal throne by the time Catesby and Co moved into action and it’s not clear he was even involved in any plotting. English animosity seems to rest on a letter he sent to James I in July 1606 which by all accounts contained friendly congratulations on James’ accession to the throne. True, James had been King since 1603 so this might be considered a bit late but Paul had only been in office himself for a year or so and who knows what the post was like in the 17th century. The real reason the English take a dim view of Paul was that the he also condemned the  oath of allegiance James demanded of his subjects. If you’re wondering whether James was annoyed I ask you, is the Pope Catholic?

Of course James may also have been feeling a little sensitive after the latest in a sequence of several plots to assassinate him. It seems James wasn’t all that popular, with his main qualifications for kingship being that he was a Protestant and that he was prepared take a  relaxed view of his mother’s decapitation by the previous regime in return for supreme power. It’s strange then that we still celebrate the deliverance of the king Charles Dickens described as “cunning, covetous, wasteful, idle, drunken, greedy, dirty, and cowardly”. Still he was obviously relieved at the thwarting of the plot and decreed that “Henceforth and in perpetuity ye Rooks and DFLs of Lewes shall annually drink a bellyfull of local ale, bury your differences and shove fireworks up the backside of that bloke in Rome before torching him whilst making as much noise as possible”.

Or something like that anyway.

John McGowan

Butts

Photo by Alex Leith

When did my kids stop having bums? I can date it precisely to when ‘Diary of a Wimpy Kid’ became the literary touchstone in our house. (For those of you not familiar with this oeuvre, think Harry Potter meets George from Seinfeld). No longer do the nippers sit on their bottoms or give each other a kick up the backside. Now it’s all falling on your butt, getting your butt over here, or (close your eyes) showing your butt as a hilarious joke. Occasionally they may refer to wiping their ass but what happened to their arses?

Before you get the idea that this column is simply going to bemoan the mangling of the Queen’s English by upstart Americans, I’ll quickly identify myself as an admirer of H. L Mencken. Mencken’s analysis of the American language ninety years ago should have been more than enough to stop whingeing about those colonial barbarians. Incredibly though people still rant about the perversion of the mother tongue. To them I say that the Empire is gone and that we haven’t had any pretensions to being cultural top-dog since the Beatles. The divergence of languages has been around since communication began, as when ancient peoples moved to new territory their speech would eventually change into something different. If this didn’t happen we’d all still grunt instead of talk and take umbrage every time someone came up with a new word for axe.

More recently though we've had trains and planes, radio and TV and lots of other features of the modern world to mix up this process. This has led to a new thing to get steamed up about: namely that the distinctiveness of British language is under attack from Americanisms arriving on these shores by the gigabyte. It’s worth noting that the opposite view holds in some quarters and Britishisms also permeate or, depending on your point of view, pollute the American idiom.

So are our very glutes threatened by linguistic uniformity? For an answer I turned to Google’s Ngrams application which allows tracking of the frequency of word usage across a wide range of sources. From a look at the “British English” corpus 1980-2008 it’s clear that backsides are sagging, bottoms and bums are looking wobbly, but arses seem to be holding firm. Butts are steady, asses less so. Worryingly, both butts and asses are considerably more frequent in occurrence than their British counterparts. It’s hard to draw firm conclusions from that though as it might be the result of an attachment to fag butts (that’s British fags), nostalgia for water butts and a hitherto unsuspected persistence of synonyms for donkey. It also seems implausible that we will stick out our tushes any time soon and are even less likely to start using fanny-packs.

Still, it’s doubtful that these consolations will be truly enough for those who care about the British posterior. It’s clear we need more radical action to preserve our rear-ends. Perhaps threats are in order for those who continue to import transatlantic trash. It may also be time to bring out the big guns of Glaswegian slang from my youth. I hope then my kids realise that I’m making a stand for cultural distinctiveness when I say that, if they don’t shut up about butts, I’ll give them a boot in the bahookie. Sometimes that’s the only language they understand.

Dog Days

“Doaaaaaagggg daaays are ovaaaahhhhhhh!” warbled Florence Welch on my car radio and from the look of the sky I couldn’t help agreeing with her. Right on cue an autumnal nip crept into the air on the final day of the school holidays. The only way is down till next March at least. It got me wondering though. What on Earth are dog days and are they actually over (other than in pop musings)? And while we’re at it why bring dogs into it in the first place? A problem given the Trouble With’s antipathy to all things pooch.

Dog days have been around for a long time, at least since Aristotle in the 4th century BC and they refer to the hottest, most sultry days of summer. For some reason this period seems to have been perceived as a bit of a downer by the ancients. Full of fever and drought, mad people and well, mad dogs. Give or take a bit of rioting, we probably have a more up-beat view of the summer heat in modern Blighty, though anyone who has experienced the heat of high summer in Greece or Italy might think that the Romans were onto something sacrificing a dog appease the weather gods.

Though going out of your front door should be enough to tell that the hot bit of the year is finished I can confirm that the dog days are also officially over. The very latest estimate of their end is early September and in most sources they are considered to be wrapped-up by late August. The name derives from the position of Sirius the “Dog Star” during the summer when it rises just before dawn. The ancient Greeks and Romans thought that the seeming increased proximity of the brightest star in the sky increased the temperature on earth. Though that might sound silly now, they had no idea that Sirius (actually two stars not one) was around 50 or so trillion miles away and even the new Lewes solar power station would have a bit of trouble picking up heat from it.

The “dog” part of the Dog Star is due to the location of Sirius in the constellation canis major (the larger dog). One of the troubles with the ancient Greeks was that their names for the patterns of stars were fanciful to put it mildly. I mean look at this picture of Taurus. You might think “bull” but only about the possibility that Taurus remotely resembles a four-legged animal. Similarly canis major could be any number of things. To me it looks more like one of those giant mobile phones from the 1980’s or maybe a nice iron bath-tub on its side. Pity they didn’t think of that in ancient Athens. Every day in the summer could be a bath day. We might have been spared Keanu Reeves’ musical pretensions. And who wouldn’t pay to see a film called Bath Day Afternoon?

Lewes Astronomers put on a series of talks by guest speakers on the first Wednesday of the month in the Town Hall. Find details here.

Diggers

“Come and get evolved” beckoned the sign. Amazing when you think about it: knowing how messed up the sign reader would be and offering a superior life. It’s a combination I’d only seen in ads on the sides of religious buildings. A second sign gave a thumbs-down to cars and a big yes to bikes. The camper vans parked on Rotten Row looked like they shared a few million miles between them. Still, it was reassuring to know they wouldn’t be trashing the planet further by hot-rodding up the 20 yards of driveway from the gate.

The occupation of the old St Anne’s School site in May and June this year already feels like a hallucination. Walking by now you only know it happened because of the new fences and trespass warnings. I’m left wondering though what it was all about. What did the St Anne’s Diggers, self-dubbed “STAND”, actually achieve before they were removed? What, in short, did STAND stand for?

They did of course highlight the neglect of the St Anne’s site and pose the question of what to do with it. (What do you do with land in Lewes if flogging it off for housing isn’t an option?) Local blogger Dave Bradford provided a good summary of the history here. It’s led to a public consultation and open day. Raising awareness of environmental issues was also a given, but with an interesting twist. When I trotted up there for some digging myself (of information rather than soil) I encountered more scepticism about our local environmental movement than I was expecting. The flagship initiatives -Lewes Pound, solar panels, organic veg boxes and the like- seemed generally considered the blingy trappings of the rich who can “buy green lifestyles”. Which of course they are. You don’t hear much about poor people in environmental debates, unless it’s contempt for their love of cheap flights or of shopping at Tesco, so this was quite refreshing.

The broader agenda of the Diggers themselves on the other hand seemed less coherent. Beyond testaments to how well behaved the protestors were (and indeed everyone was incredibly polite), the main point seemed to be to demonstrate sustainable, self-sufficient living by gardening. Just exactly how this was going to work was unfortunately never made clear and, judging by the number of commodities in evidence not grown on site (tins, tents, stoves etc), that old devil money had already crept into the Garden of Eden. The point has been made in these pages before that the trouble with everyone returning to the land to save us from environmental catastrophe is that it’s an idea belonging on the compost heap of heroic failures.

In a link to history, the Diggers of St Anne’s identified themselves with the Diggers of the 17^th century England. These were an interesting bunch who envisaged us all living in a network of egalitarian communities, tilling the soil in harmony. While they were basically crushed by bigger landowners, there also wasn’t much of a popular wave behind those Diggers either. Our society elected instead to have private property, consolidated estates, spices, tea, coffee, industry, iPads and a global economy. You may question whether that was the right choice but we managed several hundred years of prosperity on the back of it. For most of us that was considerably more appealing than the alternative of spending our short lives in grinding poverty. One of the troubles with taking your cue from history is that ideas which flopped back then don’t necessarily get any better with time.

So now we’re left thinking what to do with the St. Anne’s site. What the Diggers have at least shown is that it is easy to point out what our council have done wrong. Balancing public obligations, safety concerns, what’s useful and (crucially) how to pay for it is considerably more difficult. However, the public consultation is giving everyone a chance to get involved. There are some good ideas there. Some nonsense too but well worth a look.

As Josiah Bartlett, the fantasy U.S. President for all who are liberal at heart, said “Decisions are made by those who show up”. Don’t think we need more allotments? A green burial site? A wild space? Perhaps you have a better idea? And perhaps some thoughts on how to pay for it! Now it’s over to us.

The old St Anne’s School site will be open to the public for consultation on Saturday 13^th August, 10AM- 4PM.

Normans

Photo: Alex Leith

Just to be clear; that’s “Normans” rather than Norman. For those who need to recalibrate (and everyone else) here’s a question: what do Lewes and Sicily have in common? Both obviously have a history of exporting dodgy people abroad: Tom Paine (seditious in France and the Americas) and the Cosa Nostra. There’s also a sense of separation from, and occasional superiority to, the country to their north. Do you deny it? However the answer on the card is the presence in both of Norman castles. We all know about 1066 but perhaps may be less informed about the Norman adventurers who terrorised the Mediterranean at the same time. Both Lewes and Sicily were subjugated by the Normans and have big stone towers to prove they lost.

Lately I’ve been wondering about the consequences of these invasions. In Sicily the Hauteville dynasty didn’t do too badly, turning chaos into a stable government which enhanced Sicilian prosperity for a couple of hundred years. Given that 1066 is so central in British history just what did the Normans do for us? Was it all the “Norman Yoke” with foreign usurpers destroying our English ways?

It’s more intriguing because, like an England World Cup campaign, it could so easily have gone the other way. While the continentals possessed the quality strikers (lance-wielding, blood-curdling cavalry), the English had their traditional defensive hard men (in this case tooled-up with double-handed dane axes). Indeed if Wayne Rooney... sorry King Harold hadn’t had an awkwardly-timed away game at Stamford Bridge, William I might be remembered (if at all) as simply another French tourist who got a good kicking in Hastings.

It is clear that the Anglo-Saxon nobility had a rough ride post-Conquest. Their estates were removed and given to William-the-Conqueror’s buddies, such as Lewes’ William de Warenne. Many left the country. For the average Sussex peasant though, one wonders whether one feudal overlord would have been so different to another.  It’s clear that English standards of living hadn’t really recovered since the Romans left. One minute a cosmopolitan international empire, with indoor plumbing and wine; the next, intellectual decline, sharing huts with animals, and tepid beer. Mightn’t the Normans actually have improved things with their central authority, stone buildings and wine back on the shelves of the offie?

Perhaps so, but it can’t have been easy for the dyed-in-the-wool Rooks, what with those Up From Rouens literally lording it over them. Like DFLs a millennium later, the UFRs probably pissed people off with their poncy soft-furnishing shops and slick, metropolitan free magazines. French rather than Old English became the language du jour (though clearly not enough to stop my spell checker questioning “du jour”) and England was very much an occupied country. Increased central power meant both more efficient tax collection and a decline in the democratic structures of what had been a pretty sophisticated government. Next time you’re in town take a look at the Castle again. Is it the sort of thing you build with a contented population? I can’t help feeling it’s more in the “I’m in charge so don’t f#@k with me” vein. It wasn’t only the toffs who dusted off their passports in the late 11th century.

Still, as we’re being told by our rulers today, short-term pain is the price of longer-term gain. And indeed, a mere 700 years after Norman hegemony established a coherent English state, there we were at the head of a global empire. Sometimes it just takes politicians with the courage to make the unpopular decisions and clear up the mess left by the last lot. We’ll all benefit in the end.

Now, which Norman were we talking about again?